No one said it was going to be easy

It's past 3 in the morning I hope I can still make sense of this *sig* discovery come morning. This is just for one of four constructs for the *small* study. Battered for the day!

Took me over a week of overcoming one dead end after another to finally figure all this out. That MANCOVA, MANOVA, ANCOVA, Poisson, Ordinary Least Sqs, Logistics and multilevel regs are all needed separately in this relatively small study (N=41) tapi variablesnya selori. Here goes to redoing the whole analysis (and paper) for the nth time. I now learn that you can’t always accept what advisers tell you to do as indisputably correct even though your hunch is telling you otherwise! Trust your own knowledge, and defend your position from the start! Grr.

And no, this is not even my dissertation. *cry* But thank you Allah, for showing me a way out and not leaving me in the not-know for too long. Feeling grateful.

all of me – John Legend

Hard not to feel falling in love when you stop for a moment and really listen to this beautiful song with the beautiful piano notes, esp. when indirectly dedicated to you by your loved one in the midst of all this craziness.

My head’s under water..
But I’m breathing fine..
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind ;-)

Well, unfortunately we had to take the crazy here as literally going crazy being too caught up with our own academic work at the moment. When we don’t talk about the kids or what should go on the grocery list, we talk about research methods and designs and stats and asking to proof read each other’s work or helping out with each other’s work.. When we have some extra time for pep talk, we imagined together our next possible research ventures.. about possible community partnerships.. whether mastering the art of meta-analysis could help us meeting up with our yearly publication KPI should our current research decided to take a turn down the drain :lol: Yep, it’s been a looong while since we expressed day to day appreciation to each other as much as we do before our academic life got *this* crazy.. My posts back in 2010-2011 were all soo cornyy! Oh how I’ve changed!..


Well, I’m just happy and grateful that I’m not in this crazy journey alone. For we have each other 24/7.

I love you to infinity and beyond, babes!

the day we decided to be 20

We decided to take the kids for a quick play at the park this evening since the weather was lovely. Only after we got downstairs did we realize that we were wearing almost identical sweatshirts. We agreed it was embarassing and so much something of the past :lol: The last time I remembered being matchy matchy was when we were 20 yo celebrating my birthday in matching Levi’s tees. Now that we’re 29 (and 28), this isn’t cool!

But what better way to commemorate that awkward moment other than by pulling a selfie together, eh?


And funnily, Ayra had sweatshirts on too. With the same exact logo. Hahaha! What a day. Not going to happen again.


Nonetheless, again, it was a beautiful day outside :)






Ok. Enough of WordPress diarrhea for today!


mummy’s all grown up now


Regardless my juicing for a healthier lifestyle routine (kononnya), one thing that never runs out from my fridge is HD chocolate ice cream. It’s my dadah, my ubat pandai, only comes second after Milo :lol: Tapi ntah macam mana our local grocery store dah lama tak carry the chocolate flavor. Tangan pun dah start ketar lama tak dapat dadah. Perhaps lidah orang sekarang suka macam macam hence the more fancy flavors yang selalu available which being the creature of habit that I am, I couldn’t come to appreciate them.

Without much choice, much to my own surprise, I reached out for this coffee flavor yesterday and getting quite hooked to it. I believe that strike of confidence came after I had a 5-mug booze of black coffee several days ago and got officially addicted.

Well what ever happened to that chocolate milk girl who used to freak out at the smell of caffeine ehh!


Naturally, you blame it on the PhD. And motherhood.

tempat jatuh lagi dikenang

I felt quite emotional during my most recent visit to meet my adviser down in University of Illinois.  I realized that I still have the key to my office room at the lab and decided to pay a visit to my old work station, which remained pretty much the same way I vacated it end 2012 when I had to move to Wisconsin.

This note dated July 2, 2009 was still in the drawer, left by my Palestinian Muslim senior May Jadallah of whose work station I succeeded from. She graduated a month before I arrived at the Illinois campus in Aug 2009 and was the person who babied me during my first semester of grad school.
Too many bittersweet memories at this very tiny corner of the world.
This is the view from my lab, of my old apartment. Only now I realize that getting to meet my adviser back then was very much taken for granted. Now, it's a four-hour journey away, and a four-day depletion in energy (kerana melepek travel dgn anak anak kecik)..
Our very much basic campus mailbox :)
The age-old vending machine. Must have been there since the 70s. But still did me good whenver I needed an energy bar to munch on. This is our common pantry, where I'd spend hours doing my stats homework with lab mates during the early semesters. The ambiance is pretty much frozen in time.
Room 165. My name no longer up :(
The corridor that never fails to give me goose bumps. Because the far end is Dick's room; my adviser.
Back then seeing this SUV from my apartment window gives me the chills. RCA is Dick's initial for Richard C Anderson. :lol: Seeing this SUV today gives me the butterflies, now that things are almost done.

Till I visit Urbana-Champaign again, all’s I have to do for now is get done with writing!

..not something I can wait

Moi desktop companion :)

The weather outside is officially spring here in Milwaukee (like finally!) but I am yet to spot the first signs of daffodils and tulips. Even the trees haven’t started budding new leaves yet. Sigh.

So here’s me making spring sprouting indoors; I’ve started sowing sunzilla seeds and several veggies for the summer. The jiwa bertani in me just couldn’t wait, regardless living in a third floor apartment unit :lol:

Have a great April everyone!

The conditioned

Raimundo Arruda Sobrinho was a homeless man in São Paulo, Brazil who lived on the same street corner for nearly 35 years. He was known locally for writing in his books every day. Then in April 2011 a young woman named Shalla Monteiro befriended him and tried to help him achieve his dream of publishing a book. She created a Facebook Page featuring his writing, but nobody could have predicted what would happen next.

I’m going to watch this clip a hundred more times. Never underestimate the impact of your actions. This is one example of putting Facebook to good use.

looking forward to this weekend

Second meet up with my “atok” adviser went all good. Solid analyses he says, on all three of my research projects for the special qualifying exam portfolio. For someone who fears nothing but numbers and non-normally distributed data, that indeed feels good especially when it comes from him. The him. Will be going through defense/viva next month inshaAllah.

That said, am officially taking a break from schoolwork for several days, sudah agak mental burn out. And it’s that time of year again where I play host for a come-of-spring makan makan with the Wisconsin clan of friends. It’s a triple celebration this time. Ayman’s birthday, Kak Jety’s son’s birthday, and my good friend having completed her doctoral dissertation several weeks ago.

It'll be a strictly makan makan time this Sunday so I'm taking extra doses of greens this week :)

Ayman’s so ready to help mummy!



Til this weekend!

Long distance traveling again

We’re hitting the road again, traveling down to meet my advisor in Urbana-Champaign again. It’ll be a four-hour drive one-way. Walaupun sakit sakit badan and nampak anak anak ibu melepek for a few days after the previous trip, both tetap happy bila cakap nak pergi sekolah ibu and stay rumah Abg Faris, their fellow “Urbana baby” friend since born.


It takes a lot just get to see my adviser these days, living far away from campus, in another state. Something I usually take for granted in the past. Hopefully it won’t be too long from now that I’d be done with school, once and for all.

The treat

Finally, ibu and ayah made it to give the kids a proper birthday treat :)

Disney Junior Live featuring the pirate and princess tour happened to come to Chicago. Couldn’t ask for anything better when you have a boy, and a girl.









Now mumsie must get back to work. Mummy has been spending the past week reading *every single piece of news available* about MH370 and as many other Malaysians, has no heart to do anything else until we hear something certain, and most importantly, that our country is safe! But today we heard some news from a trustworthy source (i.e. Daddy’s father, Tok Dy is acquainted with the co-pilot’s father hence some classified info shared) so I guess I can give the case a rest now; I’ll stop preying for every latest update like a vulture! Just let the officials do their jobs to the best of their ability.

We, on the other hand, must keep on sincerely praying.



as he turns 3

Situation 1:
The two kids together having their evening bubble bath in the tub. Mummy starts singing the phonic song, primarily to Ayra.

Ayman: Stop singing, bu. Stop bu.
Ibu: Why? ( Continue singing).
Ayman: Ayman kata kena stop. Nanti adik mati. Adik tak nak dengar. Ibu nyanyi adik mati. Ayman sayang adik. Ayman main dengan adik. Ibu nyanyi tak payah. Adik mati.
Ibu: …

Situation 2:
Mummy serves breakfast to the two kids on their table. Ayman accidentally knocked his chair to the floor. Mummy ignored it thinking it was accidental, and there were times he actually threw the chair across the room when on tantrum.

Mummy: Come and have your breakfast, guys! Brekkie, brekkie! (Then entered the kitchen again).
Ayman: Mummy..
Mummy: (Busy preparing drinks).
Ayman: Mummy! .. Mummy!
Mummy: (Bringing the drinks to their table).
Ayman: Mummy! Look at me!
Mummy: Hmm? Why haven’t you sat down yet? Pick up the chair, Bie!
Ayman: Ayman wants to say he’s sorry to Mummy.
Mummy: Awh.. But why?
Ayman: Ayman did this to chair. Ayman is sorry Mummy! (And hugs Mummy).
Mummy: [On cloud nine. First time he says he's sorry; perhaps after hearing both his parents always saying sorry if we have to do something against his will I.e. tukar diapers malam malam].

Situation 3:
Both kids having ice cream treat on the sofa. Each were given a napkin to clean up any messes. Suddenly Mummy hears a growling, stern voice.

Ayman: Ayra! Jangan cumut cumut Ayman kata! Ibu dah bagi tissue. Kenapa cumut cumut?
Ayra: (Putting her AyraMyesha-don’t-care attitude).
Ayman: Haa! Ayman dah kata! Makan elok elok. Haa! Cumut cumut lagi! Ibu kan dah penat vaccuum! Tak sayang ibu! AYRAAA! Ayra ni kotorr (wanting to say pengotor).

He was so agitated he cannot enjoy his ice cream. In case you were wondering, no, Ayman is never “cumut cumut” when eating ice cream. Ibu lagi “cumut cumut” than him. Cumanya, air liur Ayman je masih macam waterfall. Ngences since a baby!


Well, happy 3rd birthday, Babe!

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